My Review: The Films Of 2007

THE BEST: (and of course I HIGHLY recommend each one of these:)
No Country For Old Men

There Will Be Blood
3:10 To Yuma
Sweeney Todd
Zodiac
The Hoax
Mr. Brooks
Ratatouille
The Assassination of Jesse James..
Michael Clayton
Grindhouse
Gone Baby, Gone
American Gangster

Top Films That Everyone Raved About But Just Didn't Impress Me:
300
Pirates Of The Caribbean 3
Harry Potter Number..Uh..What The Fuck Number Are We On Now? I lost count.
Beowulf
Spiderman 3

Movies That Were Shit But Hey, What Did I Expect?
Ghost Rider
Shrek 3
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Hannibal Rising
Balls of Fury
30 Days of Night

Movies Which If You've Seen Voluntarily, I MIGHT Not Ever Speak To You Again:
I Know Who Killed Me
Epic Movie
Are We Done Yet

Best Example Of Why Larry The Cable Guy Must Be Assassinated:
Delta Farce

Best Case Of HORRIBLE Special Effects Ruining An Otherwise Okay Movie:
I Am Legend (I can think of NO reason why they couldn't have used real people as the creatures. When will Hollywood learn that video-game graphics = NOT SCARY??)

Best Portrayal Of A Flaming Homosexual By A Tough-Guy Actor:
Robert DeNiro in Stardust

Worst Misuse of Comedic Geniuses In Shitty Films:
Jim Carrey in The Number 23
Eddie Murphy in Norbit

Biggest Career Low-Point For Cuba Gooding Jr. (Of THIS Year):
Daddy Day Camp

Films That Got A Bad Rap But I Actually Kinda Enjoyed:
Halloween
Rush Hour 3
Kickin' It Old Skool
Hot Rod
Live Free Or Die Hard

Movies That SHOULD Have Been On My "Best" List But Just Didn't Do It For Me:
The Darjeeling Limited
Juno
The Mist
The Simpsons Movie
Charlie Wilson's War

Movies That Were Actually OK and Deserve Honorable Mention:
Hairspray
Knocked Up
Ocean's 13
Superbad
Mr. Bean's Holiday
Walk Hard
1408

Movies I Didn't Even Bother With Because, Come On, Are You Serious?
Wild Hogs
Evan Almighty
The Game Plan
License To Wed
National Treasure 2
Resident Evil: Extinction
The Hills Have Eyes 2
Hostel 2
Good Luck Chuck
The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising
Dragon Wars: D-War

Death Of A Website

This week one of my favorite websites of all time was shut down. No, not www.FurryCentral.com. I'm talking about TV Links.com, which was a site that allowed users to watch literally hundreds of films and TV show episodes for free, from the comfort of their computer chairs. I'm talking new movies, old movies, movies which were still in theaters, foreign films, obscure television shows from all over the world, cartoons, and even music videos. I mean this site was the BOMB-diggity. I could honestly spend HOURS a day watching entire films online or catching up on old TV show episodes I never saw (and had never wanted to spend the money on renting).

But I knew from day one that it was too good to last. It was obviously violating all kinds of copyright laws and it was only a matter of time before someone like the Federation Against Copyright Theft came knocking and busted up the party. And lo and behold, this week they did just that. They shut down the site, and arrested it's owner. Oh well. I'm gonna have a good cry, pick up the pieces of my shattered life, and try to move on...

Mark's Quick-Capsule Movie Reviews For July 1, 2007

For those of you who don't have the time to go out to the cinema, I've whipped up some handy-dandy mini-reviews of a few current films to save you the trouble of seeing them!

1408 - As far as films titled with numbers go, it's not quite as scary as Se7en, has a shorter running time than 2001, has better effects than 300, has less disco music than 54, and has more laughs than 1941.

Knocked Up - Who knew that having illegitimate children from a one-night-stand could be so fun!

Evan Almighty - A sequel to a Jim Carrey movie - minus Jim Carrey! How could that possibly go wrong?

Live Free or Die Hard - Remember the days when Bruce Willis could say "Yippee ki-yay motherfucker" and not get interrupted by a sudden loud explosion right before he got to the "fucker" part just so the film could earn a PG-13 rating?

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 - I don't want to say that this film's plot was hard to follow, but it made Syriana look like The Care Bears Movie.

Shrek the Third - Stop encouraging them! They're just gonna keep making more!!!

Confound It All!

I really hate it when other people answer their phone, say hello, and then IMMEDIATELY start laughing hysterically. That pisses me off. Nobody has EVER said something THAT funny to me right after I've said "hello". EVER. And I can't imagine myself coming up with something so extremely hilarious to say as a first sentence of a phone conversation that it would cause someone to instantly begin laughing uncontrollably.

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first!
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